Hamarmtik is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, fussy meerkat.

Hamarmtik created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamarmtik, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hamarmtik, it will boil you in a big pot.

Hamarmtik's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Hamarmtik's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hamarmtik.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.