Hasfedfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, passionate clam.

Hasfedfoss created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasfedfoss, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hasfedfoss, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Hasfedfoss' most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Hasfedfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not shave your legs.