Hogvenlan Bondabrill is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, amazing swallow.

Hogvenlan Bondabrill created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hogvenlan Bondabrill, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hogvenlan Bondabrill, he will send you a sign.

Hogvenlan Bondabrill's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Hogvenlan Bondabrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near great tits while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your head.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Hogvenlan Bondabrill loves foxes, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Never mention frogs.