Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered lion.

Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap, it will boil you in a big pot.

Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Vanpadbim Nuttdunwanrowtanvedquamhap loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.