Tarplimrig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, conceited turtle.

Tarplimrig created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarplimrig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarplimrig, she will turn you into a worm.

Tarplimrig's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tarplimrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near voles while wearing white shorts and balancing seven platinum spheres on your hands.