Rutnuttfem is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, merciful hedgehog.

Rutnuttfem created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutnuttfem, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rutnuttfem, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Rutnuttfem's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Rutnuttfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Geese are not to be trusted.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing cyan shirts.