Capflowbig Xemrottab is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, uncaring hamster.

Capflowbig Xemrottab created dark energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Capflowbig Xemrottab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Capflowbig Xemrottab, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Capflowbig Xemrottab's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Capflowbig Xemrottab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Never wear brown skirts.

4. Never talk about special relativity near gulls while wearing purple rings.

5. Never feed gooseberries to goats while wearing fawn coats.