Nartbad is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, caring turtle.

Nartbad created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartbad, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nartbad, it will jump up and down on your head.

Nartbad's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Nartbad's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four badgers approach from the east.

2. Always help porpoises.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never eat cucumbers.