Larnkingam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, selfish crane.

Larnkingam created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnkingam, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Larnkingam, he will turn you into a slug.

Larnkingam's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Larnkingam's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.