Hugartquill is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, duplicitous zebra.

Hugartquill created the solar system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hugartquill, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hugartquill, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hugartquill's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hugartquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. You must never eat turnips.