Citmifdut is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, selfish jellyfish.

Citmifdut created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Citmifdut, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Citmifdut, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Citmifdut's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Citmifdut's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Always take life seriously.