Batsasarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, caring fly.

Batsasarn created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batsasarn, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Batsasarn, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Batsasarn's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Batsasarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Never eat garlic.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Never think ill of sick whales.