Gondapwanbemfas is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, sage squid.

Gondapwanbemfas created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gondapwanbemfas, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gondapwanbemfas, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Gondapwanbemfas' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Gondapwanbemfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Never hurt voles.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always take life seriously.