Metyakcem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, able hare.

Metyakcem created the Sol system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metyakcem, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Metyakcem, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Metyakcem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Metyakcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never talk about dark energy near otters while wearing white dresses and balancing eight carbon spheres on your back.

3. Erect nine lead sculptures of Metyakcem on top of important buildings.

4. Always look after injured sheep.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.