Figkaptarg is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic bat.

Figkaptarg created the Andromeda Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figkaptarg, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Figkaptarg, she will try to impress you with trees.

Figkaptarg's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Figkaptarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to nematodes while wearing indigo trousers.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never laugh in the presence of frogs.

5. Never mention seals.