Toncinbell is a god.

It takes the form of a large, clever crane.

Toncinbell created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Toncinbell, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Toncinbell, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Toncinbell's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Toncinbell's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Hide from mauve nematodes for they are unholy.