Gumtifsanjen is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, duplicitous crab.

Gumtifsanjen created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Gumtifsanjen, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gumtifsanjen, he will destroy your home planet.

Gumtifsanjen's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Gumtifsanjen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never paint your head yellow.

5. Do not listen to music.