Vonkzensag is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-powerful naga.

Vonkzensag created an atom seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkzensag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkzensag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Vonkzensag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vonkzensag's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mice.

2. You must pray to Vonkzensag five times a day.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Vonkzensag loves snails, so they must be honoured.

5. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.