Tonkflaptar is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, ill-tempered dingo.

Tonkflaptar created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkflaptar, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonkflaptar, it will send minions to preach to you.

Tonkflaptar's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tonkflaptar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

5. Never pour water over plants.