Jonvolkim is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, ruthless capybara.

Jonvolkim created the Black Eye Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonvolkim, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonvolkim, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Jonvolkim's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Jonvolkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Do not take Jonvolkim's name in vain.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about special relativity near tapirs while wearing pink skirts.