Zimnakpan is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, clever bat.

Zimnakpan created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimnakpan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zimnakpan, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zimnakpan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Zimnakpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near tapirs while wearing orange tights and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

3. Never feed cherries to moths while wearing scarves.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always take life seriously.