Lamhanbess is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awe-inspiring fish.

Lamhanbess created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamhanbess, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lamhanbess, it will refuse to believe in you.

Lamhanbess' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Lamhanbess' Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Lamhanbess on top of all buildings.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Never write about bacteria.