Tafgubsaftik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humane lobster.

Tafgubsaftik created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafgubsaftik, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tafgubsaftik, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tafgubsaftik's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tafgubsaftik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy near monkeys while wearing brown coats and balancing six nickel spheres on your legs.

2. Tafgubsaftik loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

3. Never wear yellow scarves.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Hide if five sharks approach from the east.