Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, awe-inspiring grasshopper.

Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig created silver three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never sit in the presence of monkeys.

3. Put Gonstragarnhimveenjinsakgig first in all things.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about black holes.