Jamzedcabflowbigved is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-knowing snail.

Jamzedcabflowbigved created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jamzedcabflowbigved, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jamzedcabflowbigved, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Jamzedcabflowbigved's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Jamzedcabflowbigved's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

5. Do not listen to music.