Quartkabab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive elephant.

Quartkabab created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartkabab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quartkabab, he will turn you into a sheep.

Quartkabab's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Quartkabab's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near ants.

2. You must never eat gooseberries.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Quartkabab loves foxes, so they must be respected.