Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, wise jaguar.

Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Sitkabzen Labtadgil Wipmumcud on top of all buildings.

5. Never pour water over plants.