Jonsogcit is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, duplicitous parrot.

Jonsogcit created the Cigar Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonsogcit, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonsogcit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jonsogcit's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jonsogcit's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three doves approach from the south.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Never hop near goats.

5. Do not cook food in pots.