Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witty hydra.

Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad created humanity three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of turtles.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. You must love Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad.

4. Hide from green squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Pibyatnar Tagmetsawcad in the centre of the settlement.