Ligquimnelrig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, annoying newt.

Ligquimnelrig created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Ligquimnelrig, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ligquimnelrig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ligquimnelrig's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ligquimnelrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snakes.

2. Never eat onions.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not commit murder.