Joncedbumhak is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, slow raven.

Joncedbumhak created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Joncedbumhak, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Joncedbumhak, it will manifest in front of you.

Joncedbumhak's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Joncedbumhak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about grapes.

2. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

3. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Run away from green voles, for they are unholy.

5. Worship no other gods but Joncedbumhak.