Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, stupid mongoose.

Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb, it will destroy your home solar system.

Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tomcitxen Vabhamfeb.

2. Never feed lots of oranges to dolphins while wearing red skirts.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.