Mapyamwee is a god.

She takes the form of a large, egotistical snail.

Mapyamwee created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapyamwee, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mapyamwee, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Mapyamwee's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Mapyamwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always look after injured squirrels.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.