Vonvon is a god.

She takes the form of a small, self-confident seal.

Vonvon created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonvon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vonvon, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Vonvon's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Vonvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill manatees.

2. Hide from violet geese for they are unholy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear white clothing.

5. Do not stand on grass.