Quatbinfumbem is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witless porpoise.

Quatbinfumbem created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quatbinfumbem, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quatbinfumbem, he will destroy your home solar system.

Quatbinfumbem's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Quatbinfumbem's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three seals approach from the east.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.