Kempon is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, intelligent lobster.

Kempon created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kempon, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kempon, he will be very unhappy.

Kempon's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Kempon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Kempon on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about enzymes.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.