Timquatgum is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, effective shark.

Timquatgum created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Timquatgum, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Timquatgum, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Timquatgum's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Timquatgum's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never think ill of sick birds.

3. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

5. Always help pigs in need.