Vanrillman is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, smart lobster.

Vanrillman created Asia two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanrillman, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vanrillman, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vanrillman's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Vanrillman's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vanrillman.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.

3. Always look after injured capybaras.

4. Never sing in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Always obey Vanrillman's priests.