Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, clever hamster.

Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan, he will not invite you to parties.

Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cherries.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lakhim Kinkikjarnxinquimlan.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Always stare at clouds.