Lamfebnad is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, thoughtless newt.

Lamfebnad created the planet Venus seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamfebnad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lamfebnad, he will turn you into a duck.

Lamfebnad's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Lamfebnad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Hide if seven sheep approach from the west.

5. Never talk about special relativity near hamsters while wearing violet coats and balancing three tin spheres on your feet.