Bopgarkim is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, temperamental lobster.

Bopgarkim created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bopgarkim, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bopgarkim, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bopgarkim's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bopgarkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention foxes.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Put Bopgarkim first in all things.

4. Always help snakes in need.

5. Do not listen to music.