Larpbastgep is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, conceited penguin.

Larpbastgep created the Milkyway six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpbastgep, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Larpbastgep, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Larpbastgep's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Larpbastgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near rats while wearing black boots and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

5. Always help otters in need.