Quillarmtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, resourceful hedgehog.

Quillarmtaf created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillarmtaf, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quillarmtaf, he will remove you from existence.

Quillarmtaf's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Quillarmtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Quillarmtaf.

2. Always help porpoises.

3. Never talk about gravity near mites while wearing red corsets and balancing six zinc spheres on your back.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.