Gilkemsak Himyartlak is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, grumpy cat.

Gilkemsak Himyartlak created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilkemsak Himyartlak, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gilkemsak Himyartlak, he will turn you into a worm.

Gilkemsak Himyartlak's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Gilkemsak Himyartlak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray great tits, for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gilkemsak Himyartlak.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always take life seriously.