Larnflagjop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy spider.

Larnflagjop created the Black Eye Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Larnflagjop, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Larnflagjop, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Larnflagjop's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Larnflagjop's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never feed aubergines to aardvarks while wearing black corsets.

4. Do not dye your hair blue.

5. Respect your elders.