Poptifjin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, strong mink.

Poptifjin created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Poptifjin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Poptifjin, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Poptifjin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Poptifjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always treat birds with great respect.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Never talk about stars.