Yarhudven is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, competent lizard.

Yarhudven created tapeworms five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarhudven, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarhudven, he will turn you into a tree.

Yarhudven's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Yarhudven's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near monkeys.

2. You must pray to Yarhudven seven times a day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Respect your elders.