Fomtailbunwat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, generous fairy.

Fomtailbunwat created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomtailbunwat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fomtailbunwat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Fomtailbunwat's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Fomtailbunwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near otters while wearing pink shirts and balancing three zinc spheres on your hands.

2. Fomtailbunwat loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never pour water over plants.