Gamdoddim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ill-tempered cow.

Gamdoddim created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamdoddim, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gamdoddim, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gamdoddim's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gamdoddim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not speak about aubergines.

4. Do not dye your hair indigo.

5. Retreat if seven snails approach from the north.