Tapnigvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a small, narcissistic jellyfish.

Tapnigvonk created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Tapnigvonk, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tapnigvonk, he will turn you into a snail.

Tapnigvonk's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tapnigvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tapnigvonk.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never eat limes.

5. Never feed lots of rice to mites while wearing mauve ear rings.